Sometimes you gotta try to put a hat on your cat. For your mental health.

i love the concept of divorce lawyers. the only things in the world that have the power to undo your marriage are death itself or a special little boy with a law degree.

til death or some guy do us part

i wish there were more than 24 hours in a day and beverages were $1 and growing up didn’t hurt so much

ID: a tweet by _grimm @ExileGrimm reading, What's the dumbest beliefs you had as a child?

When I was 4-5 I swore that bird seeds grew birds, thus the name. When my parents asked me to prove it to them, I planted a pile of bird seeds.

The next day there were loads of birds where I planted the seeds, showing I was right.”

A second tweet reads, “I wondered why my parents still objected to this idea after I proved it worked, so I thought they were hiding this secret from me because they were worried I'd grow a massive flock of birds and they'd not be able to tell me what to do.” / end id

Link to original tweet

This is straight-up Pliny the Elder logic and I am here for it.

thinking about the time Bear made friends with an avocado

the sequel

BREAKING NEWS: I GOIG TO FUCKING GET YOU

It’s always crazy to me when someone writes a fanfic about two middle aged guys who are completely up to date with the current chronically online lgbtq discourse and enthusiastic users of the most niche micro labels. Like no offense but I know old homos and this ain’t it

yeah like the thing abt micro labels is they're one of the newest ways of articulating the variety of the human experience. they're not the best way of doing that, they're just new & familiar. if you're writing non-chronically-online middle aged people, then why don't you figure out language that they would actually use to describe their experiences. people have always done this! teens on tumblr didnt invent understanding yourself! have your forty-something guy use a complicated sports metaphor!